by Craig Ruff
April 16, 2008

Michigan could use less national news coverage. A breathtaking array of antics leaves me wanting to travel under an Ohio alias.

The well-intended early Democratic presidential primary ranks high among state miscues. (It brings to mind Napoleon’s march into Russia, described by Winston Churchill as a brilliant strategy…marred only by failure.) Nobody could have foreseen the state’s potential as a king- or queen-maker. Picture us heading to the polls not on January 15 but rather June 17.

Michigan Democrats rightfully demanded a say in the nominating process. What a large manufacturing state has in common with Iowa and New Hampshire is one thing only — snow. Their misguided attempt was a plea: Talk to us. Listen to us. It’s not just about farm subsidies.

The fiasco may churn up a happy ending. Maybe a political party will grant a measure of attention to a large state’s caucus or primary. Better yet, maybe one will scrap the primary system altogether and convene a national convention of party pros, whose decisions are unfettered by the voting mob.

From the primary fiasco, there wasn’t a smooth, predictable segue to Mayor Kilpatrick’s role in feeding the national media. I tire of people pronouncing it a sad day for Detroit. It’s less sad than appalling. He has been a damn effective mayor. He has managed the city better than it has been managed since the early 1980s. He is decisive. And he is expendable.

Plenty of politicians have lost their jobs at the polls without being convicted of a crime by a jury. Guilt or innocence in court bears little adjudicatory resemblance to the public’s trust or distrust in its elected officials. The public is its own jury, with lesser standards of deliberation, and need not be unanimous in its verdict.

A close friend hopes that the mayor hunkers down at the Manoogian, hopefully host to fewer parties. “Who else is there who can run the city?” That’s being pragmatic. I respect that view. Yet, 900,000 people have a right to be proud of and trusting in their leader.

Unexpected transitions sometimes defy Darwinian principles: Lincoln to Johnson comes to mind. Sometimes, there’s a vast improvement: McKinley to T.R. and Nixon to Ford. There are times when it’s time to go, regardless of how predictable the qualities of the successor.

Detroiters have the devil’s choices: Incompetence, scandalous behavior, no governance. It reminds me of the start of Woody Allen’s commencement speech: Mankind stands at a crossroad. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. I pray you have the wisdom to choose correctly.

Lest Michigan get a breather for a few days, Dr. Death decides to run for the U.S. House of Representatives in Oakland County. No more needs to be said.

Since January, February and March disgorged so much notoriety, surely April would leave us alone. Nope. Cedar Fest keeps us in the laughlight.

A handful of our folks provide enough copy to resuscitate Looney Toons. Shame on them. Enough already.

Speaking of howls at someone’s expense, Hillary deserves equal treatment. For her “attacks” on Obama, one columnist calls her “Ma Barker” and a pundit labels her “Tanya Harding.” Who pins on Obama or McCain equally witty, if vicious, monikers? Why are they off limits?

How about for Obama Dr. John Wade Prentice? Remember the sophisticated black who crashes the white family’s security in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? For McCain, Dr. Strangelove comes immediately to mind.

What’s good for the girl is good for the guys.

If you are searching for great humor at the expense of neither Michigan nor presidential candidates, pick up Phaic Tan ($13.50, Chronicle Books). My colleague Peter Pratt introduced me to the uproariously funny travel satirists who pulled together Molvania. Phaic Tan (think phonetically) is subtitled “Sunstroke on a Shoestring.”

Selected randomly, here is an example of what you’ll find: There’s no denying that Phaic Tan is a land of superstition where fortune-telling, astrology and numerology still play a large role in daily life, influencing everything from wedding dates to air traffic control.”

Let us pray that the satirists choose someplace other than the Great Lakes for their next book.

Craig Ruff is, among many things, a senior policy fellow and former president of Lansing-based Public Sector Consultants.