Hey, kids, we have a substitute! Todd Tennis fills in for Jean and offers his predictions for 2008.

by Todd Tennis
January 16, 2008

Thinking back to one year ago, it would have been hard to foresee the many amazing events to come in 2007. Few could have predicted the Michigan Legislature would enact a tax on services and then repeal it after it had been in effect for less than 24 hours. Even fewer could have augured that the legislature would choose to spend millions of tax dollars on a presidential primary ballot that contained the name of only one of the Democratic frontrunners. Like the old saying goes, truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

When asked to put together a few predictions for 2008, it proved to be a daunting task. The unpredictability of Michigan’s three branches of government is becoming the stuff of legend. With that in mind, let us venture into the uncharted territory of 2008 in the same surreal spirit that marked 2007.

1. Blue Cross achieves goal of world domination. Emperor Loepp decrees small-market reform complete.
2. Due to a budget shortfall, a state department closes programs, slashes services and sends out layoff notices to personnel. Department analysts save the day by finding $10 million under the floorboards of the director’s office.
3. Recall petitions are filed in 110 House seats, with reasons varying from “voted to raise taxes” to “didn’t like the looks of ’em.” On a related note, Macomb County Commissioner Leon Drolet leaves office to realize lifelong dream of pig farming.
4. Mike Huckabee announces surprise running mate. The Huckabee/Baby Jesus ticket wins in a landslide over the Kucinich/Chewbacca ticket.
5. Worries about electricity supply are allayed by the announcements of plans to construct 83 new power plants. However, they can only go forward if legislation is passed to repeal PA 141, enhance PA 141, abolish customer choice, increase customer choice, cut emissions standards, or double emissions standards. Ground is not broken on any of them until 2019.
6. Popularity of legislature and the governor soars after successful statewide tour of the hit musical “Fiddlers in the Dome” starring Cameron Diaz as “the Gov” and Patrick Dempsey as “Senator McDreamy.”
7. Business community unites to abolish the complicated and unpopular business tax that replaced the last complicated and unpopular business tax. Full employment declared for business lobbyists.
8. In response to record home foreclosures, the legislature passes legislation to crack down on predatory mortgage lending practices. Lawmakers also pass legislation to ensure barn doors are closed after horses have escaped.
9. Road builders name former Greek monarch Sisyphus to head up renewed efforts to increase fuel taxes in 2008. (Look it up. It’s funny.)
10. Prison population plummets after implementation of groundbreaking “Adopt-a-Convict” program.
11. Legislative leaders announce end of single-state recession; replace it with single-nation recession.
12. Local government leaders come to Lansing to ask for more revenue sharing dollars and fewer unfunded mandates. No real joke here, but I figured at least one of these predictions should come true. Good luck to all for a successful ’08!

Todd Tennis, sitting in for Jean Doss for this issue, has over 13 years experience as an Associate Lobbyist with Capitol Services, Inc.