by Jean Doss
January 4, 2009

I was happy to be wrong about a lot of things in 2008:

• “No matter what we do, the Blues will get their Individual Market Reform legislation passed this session (consumers be damned);”
• “Obama can’t win (and neither can Hillary);”
• “Condino just doesn’t have the votes to pass his Anti-Bias Crimes Act bill tonight.” (HB 6341 passed the House that night by 81 votes);
• “Kwame will never be held accountable for his behavior;” and…
• “That sounding block (and possibly the House rostrum) will never survive this session under Sak’s gavel!” (I kept wishing his mother would show up and say “Honey, you’re going to hit that some day and it will splinter into a million pieces AND PUT SOMEBODY’S EYE OUT!!”)

But instead of seeing the positive at year’s end, I am perseverating over those few big lame-duck disappointments, seesawing back and forth between, “What could I have done differently?!” and cursing my own stupid hopefulness (like Charlie Brown wanting to believe that just this one time Lucy won’t pull the football away just as he is about to kick it).

The problem is, every once in a while, lame duck can be magical — clouds open, majesty and justice rain down, and your bill PASSES in the final moments before sine die!

More often than not, the final hours of lame duck will leave you like Charlie Brown, flat on your back and humiliated.

Let me just say, I was not a pretty sight Friday, December 19, at 4:00 a.m. outside Senate session, fuming and mentally cursing: “How can you %$^@&*^!!! do this?!” Or, as was the case that night, “…NOT do it?!”

This is where Mike Pumford politely reminds me that some of that mental cursing actually made it into my speech.

Oops. Sorry about that.

My editor prohibits me from using this column to further any of my clients’ particular issues. I can usually get a few by him every other column or so, but in this case it would be too obvious (let me just say the issue sounds like “anti-bowling”).

So I am currently working my way through the five stages of lame-duck grieving. I’ve gotten beyond stage 1 (denial and isolation) and stage 2 (depression), and am close to finishing stage 3 (anger — seething, vindictive, dangerous, key-a-senator’s-car anger).

And I think I know who I’ll ask to sponsor the bill this session (stage 4, bargaining), and I’ve told the client we’re starting in the Senate this time (stage 5, acceptance).

Dedication
I’m not dedicating this column to Kevin Kelly. I can’t imagine this town without Kevin Kelly. I don’t want to. Instead, I will dedicate myself to being more like Kevin in my words and actions. To his family, I wish you peace.

Jean Doss, with 18 years experience as a multi-client lobbyist, founded J. Doss Consulting, LLC in 2005.