Campaign Arm-Wrestling

by John Lindstrom
Gongwer News Service
April 23, 2010

In the fabled land of Klopstokia, the president was he, or she, who could out arm-wrestle everyone else. Cabinet meetings always began with the president, played by W.C. Fields in the picture Million Dollar Legs, outwrestling his cabinet members. It was a land of peace and plenty, plenty of goats and nuts, and the peace kept by the president with a revolver at his side and a set of iron knuckles at the ready to offer the open handclasp of friendship.

Is this the portrait of politics yet to come?

All five of the Republican candidates for governor held their first debate at Michigan State University on Wednesday. Everyone was neat and pretty. The crowd was properly and several times admonished not to demonstrate during the debate. It seemed the five — Attorney General Mike Cox, U.S. Rep. Pete Hoekstra, Oakland County Sheriff Mike Bouchard, Sen. Tom George and business executive Rick Snyder — really tried to be on their best behavior for most of the debate, sparring delicately, relatively, on the questions of tax policy and health care and even the death penalty.

When finally Mr. Cox took a shot at Mr. Hoekstra, a shot the Holland congressman hurled back deftly somewhat to Mr. Cox’s surprise, the some 500 people in the theater witnessing the event seemed finally to exhale. Then minutes later when Mr. Cox unloaded on Mr. Snyder, admonitions to remain quiet throughout be damned, his partisans in the crowd went wild.

Which once again proves that despite the constant gnashing against negative campaigning, the public, that is the public that pays attention to politics, revels in the bloodsport nature of the game. So what to do, how to have an intelligent campaign with knife-twists galore? How to be both bare-knuckle and brainy at once?

This is not a slap at the Republicans, because the Democratic candidates for governor — House Speaker Andy Dillon, Lansing Mayor Virg Bernero and Rep. Alma Wheeler Smith — have stepped up the intensity of their campaign as well (though Ms. Smith’s criticisms of her opponents have been mostly criticizing them for criticizing each other). Remember, we are just now in late April with the August 3 primary more than a full three months to come, so the fireworks fired off now are sparklers compared to the three-stage rockets being readied.

And the fusillade fired at the debate came after Mr. Cox had leveled other complaints about Mr. Hoekstra and then himself been hit on the issue of the infamous-but-not-confirmed party at Manoogian Mansion during the administration of former Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

No, what was striking about the debate was how giddy the crowd was at the striking taking place. When the debate concluded, several said they were glad the negative hits started to give the event some actual life. These were comments in the line of yelling at boxers that the fans had paid for a fight not a tea party. Oh, sorry, unintended joke there.

Asked if he was worried about the tone the debate took at the end, a sanguine Michigan GOP Chair Ron Weiser said it was in the nature of campaigning.

Hold on, what about all these complaints people have made for years now about how they don’t care about negative campaigning, how they want to know what the candidates stand for, what the issues are, and how it will affect their families and neighborhoods and pocketbooks and such?

Okay, what about them? Looking at politics it’s become pretty clear that policy statements and issue papers have become largely simple and formulaic. If you’re a Republican, you’re pretty much opposed to whatever Democrats stand for, and if you’re a Democrat it’s the reverse of the preceding comment. Whatever differences and subtleties in policy proposals there may be lie in the nuances of those basic points.

That was fairly clear in the debate; after all, none of the Republicans running for governor was going to suggest the state raise taxes to deal with its budget problem. In terms of lowering taxes, which everyone agreed on, there were specific differences outlined. Mr. Cox brought up his $2-billion overall cut. Mr. Snyder talked of getting rid of the Michigan Business Tax for a simple flat-rate business income tax. Mr. Bouchard brought up his proposal to not tax the value of building improvements. Nuances, variations on the same theme. Something, in fact, a thoughtful voter could nourish his/her noggin with, puzzling out what would-could-should be the best policy to pursue.

Ah, but who wants that when there’s fightin’ to be fought and winnin’ to be won?

So let’s look at the fight. There, too, the pugilism was a bit predictable, retreating to its own version of safe, relatively meaningless bromides that have been hurled so often they are dull with age and overuse. Mr. Cox said Mr. Snyder shipped off jobs to China. Well, then, the only unique aspect of that was he used what would be a Democratic complaint against Mr. Snyder. Mr. Snyder shot back that Mr. Cox was a professional politician, which actually seemed to wound the attorney general personally (although he is drawing a salary in his current post, so, technically…. Let us also remember when criticizing professional politicians that no one hires amateur brain surgeons), but really, professional politicians? That’s the best you got?

Mr. Snyder did get in a zinger, though, questioning how good Republicans could challenge someone who had lived the American dream. And admittedly, the party of business will have to be bit careful in slapping around a business executive for doing business.

In his splendid history of early America and its founding concepts — The Empire of Reason — Henry Steele Commager discussed how in its early years, without literature, theater or music, politics was the top-drawing entertainment of the day. And politics still has an entertainment value. Nothing wrong there.

Might it not be better though, both from the standpoint of voter knowledge and entertainment, for candidates to find a way to merge the two? By the end of the campaign we will know who forgot to vote in X number of elections, who was two days late in paying property taxes, whose company hired what contractor that laid off Y number of workers, how many traffic tickets each one has gotten, how many abandoned brothers-sisters-half-aunts and girlfriends each one has, how many times Republicans gave to Democratic candidates and vice-versa, and how many times someone voted for or against a proposal buried in an amendment that had no chance of passing but existed solely to build up voting records to be used in later campaigns. Really, the songbook has not added any new tunes in recent years.

People have to make decisions about candidates. Ideally, that decision is based on what the candidate promises to do in office and how the voter assesses those promises will affect him or her. And that is part of the overall equation, but the voter also goes for who he or she likes, trusts and, in the end, thinks has more moxie.

So develop intellectually physical campaigns. Don’t just hire opposition researchers, hire really good comedy and debate coaches. Hire really good philosophers who can reduce complicated concepts to simple points that both promote one’s campaign and shred the opponent’s. No candidate can really go out and take an actual roundhouse right at the opponent, or arm-wrestle the opposition, but the candidates can go after each other brainwaveswise. It’s a sure winner.

Sharpen the tongue. Whet one’s wit. Lay on heavily with the puns, the double entendres, the bon mots and one-liners. Show off the brains both by promoting policy and tripping up your oppo’s talking points. If you want to be real professional politicians (’cause, no kidding, if you’re running for anything, you really do want to be a professional politician) prove it in the ring of reason and riotous laughter. Oh, how one so really wishes to come away from a debate or a campaign speech or from watching an ad repeating the killer line over and over.

“Professional politician” and “outsourcing” just don’t spark it anymore. If we are left with just that, we may get more out of arm-wrestling.

John Lindstrom is publisher of Gongwer News Service. For nearly 50 years in Michigan, Gongwer News Service has provided independent, comprehensive, accurate and timely coverage of issues in and around Michigan’s government and political systems. For subscription information, including a free trial, visit Gongwer online.